I am intrigued by the psalmist's attention to the work of unconfessed truths on our hearts. "While I kept silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long" (v. 3). How true is this? As I read it, I could feel in a visceral way what it is like to be weighted down by something that needs to be revealed in the light of day. When most of us read these lines, we probably associate them with personal guilt at our own wrongdoing: how have I hurt someone or what have I done that might hurt someone if they were to find out?
Consider however, what it is like to keep any sort of secret, whether or not you were the one responsible for the harm. What if you were the one harmed? I had student once who never did his homework because he was too busy working for his parents chopping wood and doing manual labor on the odd jobs his dad picked up. He was cold in the long winters and probably hungry. He never had time to play or be kid and didn't have anyone to tell. He was wasting away. And so what if you carry undressed wounds of anger or fear? Sometimes confessing sin is simply giving words to brokenness.
The effect of holding things inside of ourselves that need to have breath is a toll on our bodies: sleeplessness, loss of appetite, stress on our internal organs, sometimes even new pathways of anxiety carved into our brains. Experiencing confession and forgiveness is our way to survive.
Since Lent began, I have spent a good deal of time in the parish dwelling on "silence." And this week, we have a psalm that shouts to us "SPEAK!" Do not hide in yourself. Hide in God.
Reflection
I'm not sure I even need to ask a question. We all know what the psalmist is talking about. If there is something you carry well hidden, is it possible for you to ask God into this place?
Prayer
Let us thank you, God, that we are not alone. You take us as we are and draw us into the light of your grace. You know what we have done. You know what has been done to us. You do not leave us there but surround us with steadfast love. We thank you in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
Amy,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post, I was reading Saint Augustine Confessions and he writes:
"Therefore, my God, my confession before you is made both in silence and not in silence. It is silent in that it is no audible sound; but in love it cries aloud." I thought it fit your thoughts.
It does fit. It has been many years since I read Confessions. Luther too attends to the silent words of our hearts with God in eloquent ways.
ReplyDeleteWe certainly do not have enough silence in our lives. I wonder sometimes what would happen, what might change is more of us allowed for any kind of confessioinal conversation with God that couldn't be drown out by the noise of the world. Thanks for your comment.